TOP TEN DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIES FOR 2008
1. Stay on Message!
Keep everything in your platform just as it is. Don't change anything. Keep discussing health care and jobs, because this is what America is concerned with and interested in, not that pesky old War on Terror.
2. Keep fanning the flames of hate!
Hate is your biggest asset. Keep it up, don't back off a bit. The more hateful and rhetorical you can be about President Bush and the Evil Republicans, the better! Have Michael Moore make "documentaries", have Bob Woodward write books, have Dan Rather do more investigative reports! Blame everything under the sun on Bush.
3. Keep duping the people. They love it!
Fein cooperative bipartisanship, but don't give an inch on anything. Filibuster, filibuster, filibuster! When you are caught in scandal, blame it on the Republicans. After all, they "set you up" anyway. It's all about "perception"! Keep telling everyone you support the troops, but not the war.
4. Denigrate, Humiliate, and Demoralize your Enemy More!
The Red States are all a bunch of toothless hick racists and bigots. Honestly, they are just ignorant stupid Christians. This should be the constant drumbeat from now until the next election! If it doesn't take, don't give up. Try it until 2008! The Angry White Males have given way to the Ignorant Redneck Bible-thumpers! Pound that message home daily!
5. Go Stronger Left!
Think of what could be done if every one of the Liberal Hollywood Elite were to recruit at least one of their contemporaries, to join the fight for the cause? Barbra Streisand could bring in Clint Eastwood... Michael Moore could recruit Spielberg... Alec Baldwin and Bill Moyers could move to Canada together. It would be great! Have even more Whoopi Goldberg's and Dixie Chicks! Put them in America's face 24/7 on all the major media outlets, and don't stop there... make movies, TV shows, records... do concerts... and make them all about Liberalist Utopia! Let Hollywood teach the Midwest how America should be.
The further Left the Better!
6. Sacrifice the Gay People!
Don't mention Gay Marriage, or Gay Rights again. Instead, use the old "wink and nod" method of framing the questions and debates. We must all be concerned with everyone's "civil rights." Basically... throw homosexuals under the bus, 'cause they lost this election for you. Tepidly support Civil Unions and Abortion on Demand, and blame the bigoted views of the Right. They are the ones so ashamed of gays we can't even have the debate anymore.
7. Continue to be condescending and more intellectual!
Insist that your side is right on everything, regardless of what lies are being told by the Right. After all, the Red States were all Civil War states, and the Blue States actually pay for all the government programs. You already know you have all the brains. You are all professors and scholars, and for a thinking intellectual to support the likes of Bush.... well... it's just beyond your capacity to fathom.
8. Keep Dividing America!
Don't just stop with "Two Americas", make it 4 or 6 Americas! Divide people... Red State=ignorant hicks, Blue State=intellectual genius.... Black vs. White.... Poor vs. Rich.... Women vs. Men... Us vs Them, etc. Anything the Republicans propose, find a complete opposite position to take and take it! It doesn't matter if it's illogical, just be opposed for the sake of opposition. Divide and conquer!
9. Keep Attacking Morals and Religion!
Have your liberal judges keep up the activism in the courts, forcing anti-moral and anti-religious secularist philosophy down America's throats. Just disregard the laws and allow them to push the liberal agenda forward. Come up with a cool slogan for Atheistic and Agnostic people to unite under... It's time to rebuild the wall of separation! Shout it from the rooftops... God is Dead! We want to live in a Godless Society! We want to indoctrinate your children into our immoral and decadent way of life in the schools! Keep driving that message home to the Soccer Moms... I'm sure they will eventually get it!
10. Become More Shrill!
With Howard Dean as the head of the DNC, and Nancy Pelosi the Minority Leader, this should be easy enough! Get in people's faces more, tell them what idiots and bigots they are, and how stupid and moronic their ideals are. Refute things that don't support your agenda and ideology, refuse to accept anything other than partisan sources as facts, concoct all kinds of conspiracy theories, and accuse your adversaries of being Kool-Aid drinkers constantly! Get louder, get prouder, get even more outrageous and obnoxious than ever before! Be disrespectful of the president, the administration, and American policy in general! If it's good for America, it's bad for you!
James Wright, Copyright ©2004